The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
