How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
