he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We got so high we made milksteak
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
