I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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