so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
