I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize