South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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