he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
smell my finger.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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