1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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