What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
