So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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