She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
