I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
