I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize