Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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