He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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