i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize