My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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