also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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