I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
