So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
