my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize