apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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