I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We are all done wearing pants today
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wear drunk well.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
