I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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