apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
