He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
