i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
