I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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