your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
