It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
