Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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