Say something about gay babies.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
