Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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