I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
