if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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