Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Randomize
