Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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