upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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