these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
