One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
