I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
