I want to have your abortion
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
