im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
