I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
