There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
