Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
