My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
