She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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