You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
