You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
