HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
