we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
