Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
