I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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