Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
