I'm really into asian looking animals
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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