I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
