I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
