My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm both gender and math confused
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
