Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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