i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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