I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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