I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
