The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize