She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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