I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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