hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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