I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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