I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
