i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
