i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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