my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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