Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
