Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
