I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize