oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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